NFL Divisional Power Rankings

So someone suggested this on another board I visit, and I took them up on the offer. Kind of hard to rank entire divisions, but here goes!

1. AFC South - Colts, Jags, and Titans should all challenge for a playoff spot, and the Texans are improved.

2. NFC East - Cowboys and Giants seem like the real deal. Even the Skins defense keeps them in games. And the inconsistent Eagles can still probably win quite a few games.

3. AFC North - Steelers and Ravens should battle it out to the end, but the surprising Browns give this division a better overall look.

4. NFC North - Packers look very good, Lions and Bears are somewhere between 9-7 and 7-9 I'd say, which is better than most divisions will have.

5. NFC South - Panthers and Bucs are decent, and Saints could be coming on after 2 wins in a row.

6. NFC West - Sehawks and Cardinals look a bit up and down, but have talent. Niners can be dangerous if they get healthy. Rams are beat up.

7. AFC West - Does anybody want to win this division? Broncos are losing games at home (a very bad sign), the Raiders are the Raiders, the Chargers got off to that awful start, and the Chiefs running game looks worse than Seattle's.

8. AFC East - Forget about the records of everybody in this division besides the Patriots for a second, just consider their talent and what they're going to accomplish this year. You've got 2 of the bottom 3 teams in the league in this division (Jets and Fins), and throw in the Bills, that's like 3 of the worst 10 teams in the league. Yeah, they win.

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Let's clear this up right now.

Words are powerful things. Sometimes they can be frightening…

In my vitriolic fervor last week I wrote these words: “I hope I meet him some day, because once upon a time on the PWP Forum he said that my wife looked “frightening”. I don’t think he knows the meaning of the word frightening, but he will after he meets me.”

My intent was to convey that compared to my wife I am the frightening looking one. And anyone who has ever met us can attest to the fact that (to quote Lou Gehrig) I am the luckiest man on the face of the earth. Take a look at the picture. I’m the frightening looking one wearing the PWP tee shirt. (The handsome fellow draped on my wife is Dennis, a very cool photographer in Chi-town)

Let me state unequivocally that I have no ill will, nor do I intend any ill will towards the gentleman in question. I deeply regret this misunderstanding, and sincerely apologize for the angst my poor choice of words caused.

I will make my personal apology to him, and will not discuss this matter further.

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Bye Week

For those of you expecting our usual weekly picks, it is with sadness that I must inform you that the Steves are taking a bye week. This decision sort of came about on Friday, when I sent St. Ides an email saying my picks were going to be late...

Look, I had a legitimate excuse: my flight to Richmond on Thursday was rerouted, so by the time I got home, got caught up with Mrs. Samichlaus, and went to sleep it was sometime close to 2 AM. Friday was a recovery day, spent staggering around waiting for my cold medicine to wear off, and really I was in no shape to do much of anything.

Meanwhile, poor St. Ides was swamped at work, and had little time for socializing. That, along with a deep depression about the Seahawks season didn't provide much motivation for blogging about football for the I-genius, and I don't blame him

However today I'm in a good mood. It's about 72 and sunny here in the Capital of the Confederacy, perfect weather to tool around in my convertible, and goodness knows these beautiful days are dwindling...

Next week we'll be back at full strength, providing our unique insights into the world of professional football and all sorts of sports, as well as the occasional foray into the dark side of human nature...

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What a day for Sports Blog Steves!

Wow! This has been by far the most heavily trafficed day here at Sports Blog Steves! Over 100 unique IP addresses stopped by today to read my instant classic, "The Silence of the Lambs". Thanks for your overwhealming support!

While you're here let me introduce you to Sports Blog Steves. This is a site where me and one of my IT buddies from New York (who happens to think the world of Wedding Photographers) chat about sports. We share our opinions with Mrs. Samichlaus, who as you probaly know by now is the love of my life, and our faithful reader Anonymous, a die hard chowderhead Patriots fan with a wicked sense of humor and a lot of sports smarts.

To get acclimated to our writing (which occurs mostly during the NFL season) I'd like to share some of my favorite blogs...

My all time favorite blog, about Mrs. Samichlaus's unforunate, well, past judgement is here.
My second all time favorite, about our experiences in China is here
Sometimes we brilliantly deduce the truth about a person years before they self destruct, as we did with Michael Vick.
Steve St. Ides, my brilliant partner in crime, can get a bit over analytical. But he's an Application Developer. Sometimes I don't know what makes that cat tick.
A lot of time we try our hand at humor, like we did here and here.
And sometimes we deal with serious issues like racisim and sexisim.
Sometimes we talk about baseball and the drunks who call the games.
Once, even Karen Simmons had something nice to say to me.

So check us out and come back soon. I'll promise to write more sports stuff...

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The Silence of the Lambs

To our regular SBS readers: this is not a typical post about sports. It's a post of a highly personal nature. Karen Simmons, my wife's business partner, has stolen (from our calculations) about $15,000.00 of our money. This is not something I am proud to admit, because it is indicative of my own stupidity to allow my family to be bamboozled by this con artist. For those who care about such things, Karen Simmons is a wedding photographer in Atlanta, and the truth about what she did will come out in the courts. I intended to post the following on my wife's blog (kikimarcus.com) but decided it was better suited to appear here, so that there would be no doubt in anyone's mind who was making this post...

A lot of you must be wondering where I’ve been while this whole mess has gone down between Karen Simmons and my family. I’ve been wondering this myself.

The last time Karen stayed at my house, I heard her raise her voice to my wife. It was over the disabling of an account on PWP, some whiney loser whose name I can't recall. I hope I meet him some day, because once upon a time on the PWP Forum he said that my wife looked “frightening”. I don’t think he knows the meaning of the word frightening, but he will after he meets me. Karen Simmons objected to my wife disabling the account and yelled (and I mean yelled) NO NO NO NO NO.

In my house. To my wife.

And I said nothing. But I seethed.

It wouldn’t be the last time Karen Simmons would scream at my wife that weekend, but it was the last time she did it in front of me. And I’m writing this because I am so disappointed in myself. I should have thrown her out of my house on her fat ass right then and there, but I didn’t. Why? My wife was in business with this disgusting ill mannered woman and out of respect to my wife, I kept silent. That was wrong of me.

Three weeks prior to that, I kept silent in Florida at a business meeting between Karen Simmons and my wife because I didn’t feel it was my place to participate. Karen is a terrible business woman, and we were heavily invested with her. I wanted to say something to warn my wife but I didn’t. When I finally muttered something, it was in a way that only upset my wife further. It was cowardly on my part. I was wrong about that too.

On that trip, when it seemed as though all of Karen Simmons’s friends were throwing her under the proverbial bus, I sat with her. I told her she was family. I told her that her friends were not true friends, and that we would stick by her. I told her this because I wanted to believe her. I showed her love and compassion. Except I was wrong about that as well.

So, I’m not going to be silent anymore.

Every rumor, every suggestion, every innuendo, every negative story you have heard about Karen Simmons is 100% true. She is a self centered, no talented ox. She is a criminal. She is immoral. And she has hurt my family. And that was her mistake.

And now I’m pursuing legal remedy. Not because I’m angry or upset, but because it is right and good to warn people about Karen Simmons. It’s a chance for me to right some wrongs, some of mine and all of hers. Someone has to stop this adulterous criminal, before she hurts another good hearted person.

You fat filthy fuck: I know you’re reading this blog. I’m a pretty smart guy, a lot smarter than you. I’m going pursue every legal means to recover what you took from my family, and if you happen to lose everything along the way then so be it. You have brought this upon yourself. I don’t care about you or your family, the pig you’re fucking, or his family.

Oh, hi there. I imagine you’re reading this as well.

And I don’t like you.

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Week 6 Picks (Part One) (and Part Two!!)

Holy crap, I think Samichlaus only got 1 right last week.. Let me double-check that, please hold.... Yep, the only winner he picked was the Patriots. Ouch. That'll be a rough hole to get out of.. Maybe now is a good time to break out the "drop your worst week and pretend it never happened" rule for our overall scores...

Wowsers! I was right! That was my worst week ever! The good news is my picks should start improving significantly, because I am officially employed! It's obvious that while I wasn't working I had waaayyyy too much time on my hands to analyze football picks, thus leading to the debacle that was week 5.

On a personal note, Friday was our 5th wedding anniversary, and Mrs. Samichlaus and I enjoyed a fabulous night on the town here in the windy city. We dined at Signatures, a restaurant that sits atop the John Hancock tower, enjoyed a fireworks display at the Navy Pier, and headed back to our hotel for some special husband and wife time that frankly put the Navy Pier display to shame...


Last Week:
St. Ides: 5-9
Samichlaus: 1-13

Season:
St. Ides: 29-31
Samichlaus: 18-42

Texans +6.5 over JAGUARS
The Texans got off to a good start... and have pretty much collapsed lately. You're going to hear me saying "I don't trust" quite a bit this year, as just about 90% of the teams in this league have glaring weaknesses that cause more than a little uneasy when picking them. Hell, what the heck, let's see if I can work the phrase into every single pick. Call it a cheap gimmick, but whatever. So let's get this party started: I don't trust David Garrard or the Jags receivers. Texans 23, Jaguars 20.

I don't trust my own damn judgment any more. However I am under contract to provide my insight. The Texans are getting healthy, enough to keep this game close. They don't have the horsepower to win, but I like the cover. Jags 24 Texans 20

Rams +9.5 over RAVENS
I don't trust the Ravens D. I don't trust Steve McNair. And I don't trust the Ravens to blow out anybody. Ravens 19, Rams 13.

Like St. Ides, I too have little faith in the Ravens. But McNair is questionable, and Kyle Boller if given the opportunity will shine against the Rams. Meanwhile the Rams are seriously f-'d up. Their injury report reads like a casualty list from Antietam. I'm going the other way on this one: Ravens 31 Rams 20


BROWNS -4.5 over Dolphins
I don't trust Cleo Lemon. I don't trust the Dolphins defense to return its usual self. And I actually like what I've seen from the Browns offense lately. Interesting subplot: Dolphins loudmouth LB Joey Porter is talking smack about Browns TE Kellen Winslow. Apparently the smack talking goes back to the Browns-Steelers rivalry. Including calling Winslow a fag last year. Porter this week said something like, "He's not a tight end. He's a wide receiver. He can't block nobody." And Winslow replied, "Man, why is he so angry all the time? I think he needs a hug." Hahah. I enjoyed that comeback. Browns 26, Dolphins 20.

Sadly, the Dolphins are a joke. I was checking their website earlier this week (I TOLD you I was putting too much time into this) and the propaganda was "Cam Cameron is still adjusting the roster to find the right chemistry" For cripes sake, it's week 6. Cleo Lemon brings his 53.6 QB rating to the table, and that's just wrong. Don't be surprised if John Beck doesn't finish this one. Browns 27 Dolphins 10

CHIEFS +2.5 over Bengals
I don't trust Herm Edwards. I don't trust the Bengals defense. And I don't trust the Bengals defense on the road in KC. If Larry Johnson is ever going to get it going this year, this is the game to do it. Although if the Bengals offense gets going, it might be tough for the Chiefs to keep up, even against this defense. Bengals 28, Chiefs 27.

I hate picking against the home dog, but here it is: The Bengals are just better than the Chiefs. I've lost faith in Herm Edwards, and honestly the Bengals can light it up. Even at Arrowhead. Bengals win, and easy. Bengals 34 Chiefs 20

BUCANNEERS -2.5 over Titans
I don't trust the Titans on the road against a good team coming off a tough divisional loss. Like I said in my Power Rankings, I'm starting to buy into the idea that Jeff Garcia is a slightly above average QB who can win games. This should be a pretty good test for Vince Young, and if he pulls this game out, maybe it's time to start taking the Titans a bit more seriously. Bucs 20, Titans 17.

I still don't buy into the Bucs. Garcia is a good QB, but Vince Young is a stud. The Bucs are good at home and will be fired up this week, but in the end (insert Jeff Garcia joke here) Vince Young and the Titans will prevail. Titans 27 Bucs 24

PACKERS -3.5 over Redskins
I'm tempted to take the Skins and the points, but I'll go with the idea that the Packers are legit and they bounce back nicely from last week's loss. Plus, I don't trust Jason Campbell as a full-time starting QB in the NFL. Packers 27, Skins 20.

I'm not very confident after the second half stinker I witnessed last week. The Skins play that same cover 2 that the Bears play, and the Pack had no answer for the Bears adjustments. My head is still spinning over that one. However, I'm sticking with my boys. They need a dominating home game as they head into the bye week, and Favre & Co will deliver exactly that. Packers 31 Skins 10

Eagles -2.5 over JETS
I don't trust Donovan McNabb. At all. I also don't trust Chad Pennington and the bad mojo Mangini brought down upon the Jets. Could it be... could it... let's see here, let me peek at the rest of the games... Yep! It's two 2006 Playoff teams in the Stinker of the Week! Eagles 24, Jets 20.

Absolutely the stinker of the week. The Eagles at least have shown some potential, and the Jets really haven't. I'll bet Giants Stadium is going to be a disaster area, with Eagle fans making the trek up to the Meadowlands. The beer fights will be starting early, and the Eagles will win the game: Eagles 24 Jets 17

Vikings +5.5 over BEARS
Wow, tough call on this one. I don't trust either offense or QB. I guess I'll take the points, even though I think the Vikings absolutely stink. Speaking of which, former Wolverine and Seahawk (and current St. Ides All-Hated Team member) Steve Hutchinson has been described as "clumsy" looking this season. In fact, let's quote SI's Dr. Z (who I generally can't stand): "Right side of the O-line is a disaster. Left side was supposed to be the money side, but Bryant McKinnie gives up sacks and all-world Steve Hutchinson is effective at times, clumsy at other times." Maybe sometime soon people will realize he only looked so dope in Seattle cause he was next to Walter Jones, and they'll stop voting him to the Pro Bowl on rep alone. Bears 17, Vikings 13.

Quoting Dr. Z? Talk about "the enemy of my enemy is my friend"... The Bears big win in Green Bay has really got Chi-town fired up. That was the kind of win that turns around a franchise. Meanwhile the Vikes are still coached by Brad Childress who is an idiot. I never thought I'd say this but they were better off with Mike Tice. I'll go with da Bears: Bears 20 Vikings 10


CARDINALS -3.5 over Panthers
Holy crap, can the Cardinals be for real? Someone double-check the calendar and make sure it's not the 1999, cause the starting QBs in this game could very well be Kurt Warner and Vinny Testaverde. I don't trust QBs over the age of 40, unless their name is Favre. Arizona needs to win this game to be taken seriously as a playoff contender in the NFC. Cardinals 23, Panthers 17.

Hey, this is so cool! Vinny Testaverde's middle name is Frank! That's two of my older brothers names: Vinny and Frank! But I digress. Testaverde has been struggling to learn the playbook this week, making them easy pickings for the suddenly real Cardinals. I like the Cards too. Cardinals 24 Panthers 17

Raiders +10.5 over CHARGERS
That's a lot of points for a 2-3 team to be giving a 2-2 divisional rival. I don't trust Phillip Rivers, I don't trust the Chargers coaching staff, and I don't trust their unjuiced defense. Chargers should win, but won't cover. The Raiders defense is actually pretty good, better than some of the other defenses that have shut down Tomlinson so far this year. Chargers 24, Raiders 23.

I don 't think it will be as close as St. Ides thinks, but I do think he's got the pick right. The Bolts have been disappointing to say the least while the Raiders have been surprising. I think this game will be close enough to take the Raiders and the points: Chargers 27 Raiders 20


Patriots -4.5 over COWBOYS
I don't trust Tony Romo in a big game against a good defense. I don't trust the stone hands of TO. I don't trust the Cowboys secondary. See my previous posts about what I told Anonymous about this game. The summary: Pats have got nothing to worry about. Patriots 38, Cowboys 20.

The Cowboys barely beat the Bills last week, if not for the ineptitude of a team that can't cover an onside kick. I like New England too, a team that has shown no weakness and an ability to dominate even when they're not at their best. New England 37 Dallas 24

Saints +6.5 over SEAHAWKS
I don't trust Matt Hasselbeck right now. I don't trust the offensive line's run-blocking, or Shaun Alexander's tap-dancing running style. I don't trust Seattle to put away a desperate Saints team who's better than their record. And I don't trust I'll be able to keep writing football pieces if Seattle keeps letting me down. Saints 20, Seahawks 13.

LOL! Please keep writing football pieces! You're the one bringing legitimacy to this blog! Seahawks at home against a Saints team that has shown nothing. I'm sensing a Seattle win, and I'm hoping it a big one. But it won't be. The Saints lose, but cover: Seahawks 27 Saints 24


FALCONS +3.5 over Giants
I don't trust that the Giants defense is really as good as they've looked in some games. I don't trust Eli Manning on the road. And I don't trust the Michael Vick jinx against the Falcons. (They've already broken it by wining one game, no?) Giants 31, Falcons 30.

My lord, haven't the poor Falcons suffered enough? At least this week and arbitrator ruled that they can recover 20 million dollars of Vick's signing bonus. That's the surest sign that the curse may have been short lived. I see a Falcons win: Falcons 27 Giants 24

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The 5/17ths Season Power Rankings!

It's a special Wednesday treat! We're 29% done with the season, so let's have a little bit of Power Ranking fun, shall we? This is basically how I think the teams rank right now, and my final little section about who I think the playoff teams will be when the season ends doesn't necessarily match up. Like if a team looks like they suck right now, but I think they'll come around, they'll be rated low-ish, but still might show up on the playoff team list. (Like the Lions.) Likewise, if a team is playing pretty good right now, but I expect to collapse, they probably won't make the playoff list. (Like the Cardinals.)

32. Rams
Decimated offensive line. Bulger and Steven Jackson out. Holt still a little gimpy after knee surgery. And their defense still stinks.

31. Vikings
No QB. Decent running game. No QB. Decent run defense. Not so great pass defense. Questionable coaching. No WRs worth mentioning. (Bobby Wade is their #1 WR?!) And absolutely, positively, no QB.

30. Falcons
The players are already starting to give the first year coach problems. Hall and Crumpler are both complaining. They have Joey Harrington and Byron Leftwich as QB options. Their defense might be halfway decent, but good luck winning more than 5.

29. Dolphins
Ladies and gentleman, presenting your starting QB, Cleo Lemon! (And if you were wondering, he's black. With a name like that, it was a toss-up.)

28. Jets
If Pennington finally gets benched, they might move up a few slots. But like I said, Mangini has some bad mojo going after ratting out the Pats.

27. Chiefs
Herm Edwards is a bad coach. Sometimes bad coaches win a few games.

26. Saints
Wow, they look bad. The happy story of post-Katrina success is over. Brees can't hit the broad side of a barn, and their D stinks. And Sean Payton is resorting to weird voodoo-like rituals to try and conjure some luck. Of course, that means they'll probably beat Seattle this week.

25. Bills
They're decimated by injuries, although the rookie QB has looked decent at times. Oh look. 3 of the 4 AFC East teams are in the bottom 8. Their records? 1-4, 1-4, 0-5. That's 6 easy wins for the quickly-becoming-disliked Patriots.

24. Niners
Their offense has been horrible and that was before Alex Smith went down and was replaced by Trent Dilfer. Their defense is decent, but with their offensive line stinking and their QB/WRs even worse, they're not going to outscore people.

23. Bears
Maybe Brian Griese and the Bears are going to get rolling after the come-from-behind win in Green Bay? I doubt it.

22. Eagles
Aside from the game where they lit up the Lions for like 50+ points, they've been horrible. I said it once, and I'll say it again - McNabb doesn't look like his old self. That leg injury has changed him, and not for the better. Their defense hasn't lived up to expectations either.

21. Broncos
The Jay Cutler era began last year with a loss in Denver to the injured Seahawks. Since them, he still hasn't really found his groove. If he was a bigger name playing for a more popular team, the "bust" label would be flying around all over the place right now. Oh, and starting RB Travis Henry will be suspended for the season for smoking doobies.

20. Raiders
Replacing Art Shell is worth at least 4-5 more wins. Their defense is actually pretty good. And they've gotten their running game going lately. Once teams shut down the run, their passing game will be exposed as pretty bad, but the AFC West is suddenly pretty mediocre.

19. Bengals
Explosive offense. Non-existent defense. And several convicts. I still think Carson Palmer is a pretty good QB, and his weapons are among the best in the league. They'll have a rough time making the playoffs, but they'll win a few games against good teams.

18. Browns
Pretty nice surprise here considering their opening day QB played all of 1 quarter and was sent packing before Week 2. (By the way, word out of Seattle is that Charlie Frye is doing a nice job learning the offense, and Holmgren feels more comfortable using versatile backup QB Seneca Wallace in more roles now.) Anyways, the AFC North is pretty much a toss-up after the Steelers, and I think the Browns will be in the mix.

17. Texans
Got off to a good start, but have fallen to earth since then. A big part of that is losing Pro Bowl WR Andre Johnson. Once he's back to near full strength, they should win around 8 games or so I think.

16. Chargers
Tomlinson crying after a loss isn't going to win him any fans. Their coaching staff stinks. And, like I said, Shawn Merriman isn't nearly as dangerous now that he's off the juice. They could get hot, but their slow start has them playing catch-up.

15. Giants
Not sure what to think of them. Their defense played horrible for 2 games, then suddenly pulled it all together? Eli Manning is playing fairly well? I dunno. I just don't trust them.

14. Lions
They have a nice array of receiving threats, and Kitna has looked good at times. But they have no running game. And if Kitna were really that good a QB, would Holmgren have jettisoned him for Hasselbeck so quickly?

13. Redskins
Their defense has played well. But I haven't quite bought into the Jason Campbell QB situation yet. They get the nod over the Lions only cause they beat them last week.

12. Seahawks
Banged up receivers. Pro Bowl FB Mack String has retired. The run blocking has sucked, and Shaun Alexander's little dancing around in the backfield leads to more losses than gains. Hasselbeck looked awful last week. And while they could be among the top 5 in another 2-3 weeks, right now they don't deserve to be any higher than this. I don't trust them at all.

11. Titans
It's the Vince Young show! I don't know a whole lot about the Titans beyond Vince Young, Lendale White, and Pacman Jones, but every time I look up they're keeping the score close against everyone they play and Vince Young is making a play.

10. Jaguars
It's only a matter of time before David Garrard and their butter-fingered receivers start o cost the Jaguars games. In the meantime, they've played fairly well within their division and their defense has been serviceable.

9. Cardinals
The beat the Seahawks and Steelers, and really should have beaten the Niners. 2 of their wins were by a field goal, as were 2 of their losses. They could be anywhere from 4-1 to 1-4 right now. They're in between at 3-2. And with Leinart hurt, Kurt Warner takes over full-time. Will he be rejuvenated? Probably not once people remember that he gets rattled once you knock him around a bit.

8. Panthers
They should probably be lower than this, but I can't justify putting anybody above them. David Carr is their QB. Steve Smith has been quiet. Yet somehow they're 3-2 and lead the NFC South.

7. Bucanneers
I like what Jeff Garcia brings to this team on offense. (And I don't mean his secret recipe for fabulous Cosmopolitans.) Though their defense was exposed by the Colts... who isn't? They should have a pretty good chance to win the wide open NFC South as long as they don't get hit with too many injuries.

6. Ravens
Not sold on them. But again, who do I put higher? This parity bullshit is starting to get old. Really, everybody from 3 to 12 or so could be easily interchanged. McNair is old. So is Ray Lewis. Their defense is getting by on reputation now, not actual play.

5. Cowboys
Here's what I just sent Anonymous when he expressed some nervousness cause the Pats are only a 4 and a half point favorite over the Cowboys this week: "Repeat after me: Romo is overrated. The only reason he gets so much hype is because he plays for the Cowboys and dates an American Idol. He threw 5 picks against an awful defense decimated by injuries. When they did the in-game defensive introduction last night for the Bills, I only recognized 2 names (Schobel and Whitner). They've beaten up on the Giants (before the Giants learned how to play D again), Miami (0-5), Chicago (with Grossman in), the Rams (0-5), and Buffalo (1-4). And in the playoff game last year, Romo couldn't get it done AGAINST A FRICKIN REAL ESTATE AGENT playing CB for Seattle.
Brady and Moss are going to have a FIELD DAY against the Dallas safeties who cannot cover whatsoever. (Notice the only decent QB they've faced so far is Eli Manning, who hung 35 points on them.)"

4. Packers
I'd have them at #3 if they beat the Bears this past week. But they just couldn't finish them off. Which isn't a good sign. But it's not a real bad sign either, considering how frickin bad the whole league is. They actually established a run game, which is nice. I'd be shocked if they don't make the playoffs.

3. Steelers
Ouch. They dismantled the Seahawks. Without Polamolu, Hines Ward, their #2 WR, and their Pro Bowl NT. Big Ben actually made good decisions and was accurate. Where the hell did that come from? The Steelers defense is very good. They knew what they were doing to let bigmouth Joey Porter walk. They should win the AFC North fairly easily.

2. Patriots
Some more quotes I sent to Anonymous: "Oh and repeat after me again: "I am a Patriots fan, I am spoiled by success, and I can expect ZERO sympathy from the Steves this season. None whatsoever." Also, did you see the Browns accusing Vrabel of going for the knees? Between that and Wilfork, there's some bad karma building up. You've been warned." While they're enjoying running up the score against everybody as a big "F You" to those who might think their video-taping shennanigans, what goes around comes around. The Football Gods have not finished with this scenario yet. And while Tom Brady gets allllllll my love, he's about due for a torn ACL, isn't he? I mean, if Patriots players are going for opposing QBs' knees, (something they absolutely do not need to do to win), it's just a matter of time before someone gives them a taste of their own medicine.

1. Colts
Even with Marvin Harrison and Joseph Addai out, they put up 33 points on a pretty good Tampa Bay defense. Really, the Patriots should be #1, but it's close enough that the aforementioned pending bad karma gives the nod to the Colts. Although... I think Peyton Manning is about due for a catastrophic injury as well....

Playoff Teams:

AFC: Colts, Patriots, Steelers, Titans, Ravens, Raiders (someone has to win the AFC West, right?)
NFC: Packers, Cowboys, Bucs, Seahawks, Lions, Giants

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What a crappy ending

So much for a statement game. The statement the Packers made tonight is "Not quite there yet." Five turnovers doth not make a successful evening boys, and with that the venerable Packer nation gets a reality check. I'm still scratching my head about the conservative play calling the entire second half. My best guess is that Jennings was out and no one was mentioning it, but I saw him at least for the last two or three series. I'm looking forward to hearing the commentary, especially in regards to the play calling. And with that I bid you all a goodnight!

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Favre to Jennings

I don't know who is going to get more weepy, me or Madden. What a great play. Jennings flat out beat his guy, and Favre threw a perfect pass... I'm turning the computer over to Mrs. Samichlaus for a bit, but for now I'm well fed and a bit happier.

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Snack time...

Fucking Bears. That last drive has gotten me a bit hungry, so I'm going to pause the game while I put my appetizers together. All that means is I'll be a bit behind on my commentary...

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First quarter notes

The Packers have absolutely dominated the first quarter, but thanks to the ineptitude of James Jones, are only up by 7. If I'm a Bears fan, I'm estactic. Favre looks sharp, but the Bears have not...

The Bears are mounting a nice little drive. The Packers need to pressure Greise, and forec a turnover...

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James Jones needs a little breather...

WTF? I've been watching Brett Favre a long time, and Favre will always go to a receiver at least one more time if a receiver makes a bonehead play. Now that James Jones has fumbled twice, don't expect Favre to throw to him again.

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Madden update...

John incorrectly identifies Donald Lee as Bubba Franks, but corrected it.

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Early games...

I haven't totaled them up but this could be my worst week yet. Nice effort by the Seahawks. Fucking morons. I would not have enjoyed being around the St. Ides residence today. Oh, and The Patriots are exactly who we thought they were. (Going forward I will refer to them as "The Patriots". Pack D holds the Bears to a 3 and out. This is starting very nicely...

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What an opening

2 passes and six runs. I didn't see that coming, and neither did the Bears. It's not that the O line blocked any better than usual, it's just that Deshawn Wynn simply made people miss. It doesn't get any better than that.

In other news, John Madden has called a button hook a slant, and I do believe called Bears coach Lovie Smith "Lovie Bear". Sounds like a character on Starsky and Hutch.

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Exclusive Game Night Blog on Sunday!!!

I've decided that since the Packers are the national game on Sunday night, and since we've got this great wireless router in the house, I will be blogging live during the game! Get up to the minute opinions, comments and witticisms from America's other favorite Sportsblogging Steve, Ol' Samichlaus himself. Come participate in this exclusive event! I'll be blogging until I decide to go to bed, so don't miss it! Guaranteed to enjoy your viewing pleasure!

See you Sunday night!

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Week 5 Picks!

Week 5 Picks!

Ouch, rough week for Samichlaus.

Come to think of it, it's been a rough couple of weeks for Samichlaus. I've been out of work, my football prognostications have been way the fuck off, and to top things off I had to visit a uroligist because my taint was hurting. And I know this is really too surreal to seem true, but as God as my witness as I was bending over waiting for Dr. Nelson's ample finger, for some reason he blurts out "Man I could go for a coke". All I could think was "he better not think he's going to 'crack open' it if you catch my drift". I should have said something to him, but I was afraid he would say something funny like "I prefer it in the can"...

Last Week:
St. Ides: 6-8
Samichlaus: 4-10

Overall:
St. Ides: 24-22
Samichlaus: 17-29

GIANTS -3.5 over Jets
The Battle of New York! It means a whole lot more to the Jets than Giants at this point. If the Jets fall to 1-4, you can stick a fork in them. Meanwhile, the Giants defense suddenly has some life. They sacked McNabb 12 frickin times last week!!! Sheesh. Although I'm not quite sold on the defensive resurgence yet, I'm even less sold on the Jets. Giants 23, Jets 16.

What do you think? Should I just agree with you until I get my confidence back? OK, moving on... why oh why do I keep picking the Jets? Cripes, I'm not sold on either of these teams, but the Giants were quite impressive against the Eagles last week. Somehow though, I think the Jets will win. Lord help me. Jets 27 Gints 24

Lions +3.5 over REDSKINS
As much as I hate to do it, I'm going to ride the hot Lions offense for a bit longer. Martz has Kitna actually playing well and has a ton of weapons to work with. Do you realize the Lions scored 34 points in the 4th quarter last week. Against the hyped Bears D. THIRTY-FOUR in one quarter!! I don't have a whole lot more to say about this one. Lions 34, Skins 20.

The Lions friggin ate up the Bears, and albiet the Bears are banged up, so were the Lions. The Redskins are only well though of here in Richmond and I just don't think they're very good. I like the Lions too. Lions 34 Redskins 27

Cardinals -3.5 over RAMS
I'm not picking the Rams to win or cover until they actually win a game. Gus Ferrotte gets the start for them. Kurt Warner returns to his old stomping grounds. Cards 23, Rams 10.

Yep. The Cards are better than I thought. Look for Warner to get most of the snaps, and look for him to have a great game in St. Louis. THANK YOU JESUS!!!!! Cards 31 Rams 21

PATRIOTS -16.5 over Browns
I'm not picking the Patriots to lose or fail to cover until they actually lose a game. Although the Browns have looked decent at times, so have some of the other teams the Patriots have dismantled. Oh, and they get Rodney Harrison back from suspension this week. (Effin cheaters!!) Patriots 38, Browns 16.

Me too. Especially with my won - loss record this season. The Pats are as sure a thing that's out there, and at home? They'll win this one by 20 at least. Patriots 31 Browns 10

Dolphins +5.5 over TEXANS
The Texans were knocked back to earth by the Falcons last weekend. That Schaub guy didn't exactly light it up against his former team. And Andre Johnson is still out. The Dolphins are hungry and desperate and as Samichlaus said last week, they're more taleneted than they've shown so far. They have to win sometime, right? Dolphins 20, Texans 17.

I think the Texans slide is directly related to the loss of Ahman Green to injury. Green should play this week against the worst run defense in the league. And I think that's enough to depress my father in law for one more week. Texans 27 Miami 20

SAINTS -3.5 over Panthers
It looks like David Carr will get several starts for the Panthers while Delhomme recovers from injury. Which is probably just what the Saints need to get their first win of the season. I hope the Saints win. I don't want them coming into Seattle for a primetime game with an 0-4 record and everybody writing them off. Saints 24, Panthers 17.

Tough matchup. There's enough reasons for either team to lose. Can we officially stick the bust tag on Reggie Bush? I knew the kid wasn't going to be a very good pro! Of course, that was back when my predictions were accurate. I'm going to say that they're going to get of the schneid at home. Those poor people in New Orleans. They need a win, you know, for the Katrina victims. Saints 34 Cats 27

Falcons +8.5 over TITANS
So the Falcons broke the curse last week against the upstart (not so much any more) Texans. I think they have some decent football in that team. And I don't think the Titans should be a 9 point favorite against anybody just yet. Titans 27, Falcons 20.

I'll go the other way. The Titans are well rested after an early by, and simply have too much talent for the Falcons. Vince Young.... Joey Harrington... Vince Young... Joey Harrington.... which way will this go? Titans 37 Falcons 17

Seahawks +5.5 over STEELERS
This is a pretty huge game for both teams. Steelers want to bounce back from a loss to the Cardinals where they looked pretty flat overall. Seahawks need to beat a contender to prove they're legit this year. Although Anonymous seems to have more confidence in Seattle than I do, he makes a good point. Their offense is balanced and experienced enough to score on anybody. Maybe not 30 points a game, but they should average in the low-to-mid-20s all season, and be fairly consistent. The defense is improving. They've looked awesome in 3 of the 4 games, and the only game they looked bad, they were missing underrated and overlooked OLB LeRoy Hill. (Yes, I said the same things in a comment on another blog item, but it deserves repeating.) Meanwhile, Big Ben has actually looked pretty good this year. But the run is setting up the pass nicely for him. The Steelers have some injuries (Polamalu, Hines Ward, their bigass NT, and even Rothlisbergererer has a tweaked ankle). And although there's a lot of new faces on Seattle, I think there's enough holdovers from the Super Bowl team to want to avenge that loss just a little bit. Going against the reverse jinx for the first time in a long time, I'm taking Seattle... Seahawks 26, Steelers 23.

Those are very good points. Seattle is a motivated, talented team. If they hadn't gotten so screwed in that Super Bowl this would be an easy Steeler pick. But they did. I like Seattle as well: Steelers 27 Seahawks 24

CHIEFS +2.5 over Jaguars
Holy poop, who saw them beating the Chargers IN San Diego last week? Not us! Apparently defensive end Jared Allen, who was suspended the first two games of the season for multiple DUIs, is a frickin beast and makes their defense halfway decent. Their offense? Well, that's a different story. Still, I'm not a big David Garrand and/or Jaguars fan, and KC is a tough place for road teams to win. I'll take the Chiefs and the points at home. Chiefs 20, Jags 17.

Maybe I need to rethink that whole Herm Edwards thing again. Maybe he's not the absolute worst coach in the league. I would take him ahead of Norv Turner and Dick Jauron. The Chiefs have played well the last two weeks, and I like them at home too. Chiefs 17 Jaguars 10

Bucs +10.5 over COLTS
The craziest line of the week, if only because of all the injuries to the Colts. Marvin Harrison? Out. Joseph Addai? Out. Their two most important run stopped on D? Out. I wouldn't be surprised to see the Bucs pull off the win, and I definitely think they keep it within 10. Colts 26, Bucs 20.

Marvin Harrison is out? Wowsers! Now I can't wait to see what kind of numbers Peyton puts up. The Bucs have injury problems of their own, with Cadillac Willams done for the season, but they do have Michael Pittman ready to step in. I'll take the Bucs and the points: Colts 27 Bucs 24

BRONCOS -1.5 over Chargers
If Norv Turner can't beat Herm Edwards in San Diego, there's no way in hell he's beating Mike Shanahan in Denver. I don't feel bad for Tomlinson. I hope he cries after every loss, the big sissy. And has anybody else noticed that Shawn Merriman isn't nearly as ferocious now that he's off the roids? Broncos 31, Chargers 17.

Roids, huh? Is that what is was? This is an easy pick. I like the Broncos at home as well, and yes LT must be taking estrogen or something. I saw a nice piece about him on HBO Real Sports, and he seems like a really nice kid. A momma's boy. Well let's just say that he ain't sophisticated and he ain't an urbanite. But pleeeeze LT, when you whine and whimper you don't really sound like a man. Broncos 24 Chargers 20

PACKERS -3.5 over Bears
The Bears offense is in complete and total disarray. And their defense is banged up pretty badly too. (See previous comment about how they allowed 34 to the Lions in the 4th quarter last week.) Favre's success continues and the Packers continue to roll. Is it too soon to talk about a Green Bay vs. Seattle NFC Championship Game? Probably. Packers 27, Bears 13.

Like Anonymous pointed out earlier in the week, the Packers aren't going anywhere without a running game. They have GOT to start running the ball, and soon. Someone is going to figure out how to jump a slant route, or Favre is going to have a stinker, or the D is going to slack. Just not this week. This was the game that Mrs. Samichlaus and I were supposed to go to, so I'm assuming our usual mojo applies... we've never seen the Packers lose in person. Now all we have to do is keep the ball away from Devon Hester and we'll be fine. Packers 27 Bears 10.

Ravens -3.5 over NINERS
If the Seahawks can sack the Niners six times, I'm guessing that Ravens D can do about the same. The Niners offense is frickin horrible, and now they go from somewhat mobile Alex Smith to statuesque Trent Dilfer. As much as I like Dilfer and appreciate him for his time in Seattle as Hasselbeck's mentor, he's not the type of QB to suddenly ignite a stagnant offense. Not against Baltimore. Ravens 17, Niners 9.

The Seahawks dominated the Niners last week, a performance that included one of the best sacks I've ever seen. St. Ides needs to fill me in on the details, but I'm sure he knows the one I'm talking about. Meanwhile the Ravens are due for a good game, and I think this will be it. Ravems 20 Niners 10

BILLS +10.5 over Cowboys
God, I hate the Cowboys. I hate Tony Romo. And I hate how everyone is kissing their heineys already. To quote the immortal Denny Green, "You want to crown their ass? Then crown their ass! They are what we thought they were!" What I think they are is an overrated team with a decent offense and suspect defense who have beat up on crappy teams so far. The Bills certainly qualify as another crappy team, but I'll take 10 points with the game in Buffalo. Cowboys 26, Bills 16.

I hate the Cowboys too. I don't hate Romo, actually I sort of like his gunslinger mentality, but the rest of them can go fuck armidillos for all I care. Armidillos are about the dumbest mammals in Gods creation. If you ever drive through Texas you'll see them strewn all over the road, flattend like little silver pancakes. Anyway, no matter how I look at this game, I see the Cowboys winning and covering without too much problem. Cowboys 34 Bills 13

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Predictions So Far....

Although it's still pretty damn early in the season, and maybe my win-loss isn't ridiculously impressive just yet, reading through some previous posts, I've been dead on about a few things. So let's review (and pat myself on the back), shall we?
Keep in mind the "Week X" picks really means it was posted after the "Week X-1" games, so just remember that...

Like in this one.. posted in the Week 2 Picks post, when the Saints were only 0-1 and that loss was to the defending World Champ Colts:

"And I think the Saints are overrated this year. Mostly because of their "ride the emotions" and "feel good story" success last year. Their defense isn't great, their receivers are very thin after Colston, and they still haven't really figured out the best way to maximize their MacAllister/Bush backfield."

Bress has been awful. Their defense has been awful. MacAllister is done for the year. And they're 0-4.

Also from Week 2:
"The Raiders aren't as bad as people think."

They almost beat Denver on the road and are tied for first in the suddenly mediocre AFC West.

From Week 3:
"And Bulger is getting absolutely clobbered back there. Here's another prediction: he doesn't make it past Week 7."

Bulger and his broken ribs have been benched before Week 5. And the Rams could end up with the worst record in the league.

"As for the Chargers... not sure if I said this last week or not, but I see them underachieving by quite a bit this year. Expectations are way high. Too high. Yes, they have LT, but opponents gameplan for him now. And Phillip Rivers is still young and fairly unproven. But the X-Factor? Norv Turner at head coach. The dude has had like ZERO success as a head coach, he's supposed to start now? If football is a game of chess, Norv is still playing checkers."

I think the Chargers' woes have been well-enough chronicled by the "mainstream" media, so not much to add here.

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