Sunday quickie quote...

"Seneca Wallace couldn't lead a pack of ants to a picnic in his own back yard, uh uhhh" Warren Sapp on the NFL Network about an hour ago.

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Week Three Picks

We've been brief with the pre-pick cute openers. And that trend continues this week. Both Steves are 16-16 after two weeks.

Tennessee (0-2) at NY Jets (2-0) -2.5
I am so totally on the Jets bandwagon. What Rex Ryan and Mark Sanchez have done in two weeks is quite an accomplishment. Sanchez is playing with the poise of a veteran, while Ryan has the team and it’s fan base energized. The Titans? Disappointing as usual. I’ll take the Jets and the points: Jets 27 Titans 17

You know what? I think I am too. Moreso for their defense than Dirty Sanchez. They shut down the Texans, and we thought Houston’s offense was bad. But then Houston went nuts last week. Of course, it’s only week 2, and in another two weeks we could be talking about Sanchez isn’t ready for the NFL, but hey, live in the present, right? Jets 20, Titans 17.

Jacksonville (0-2) at Houston (1-1) -3.5
Houston beat the afformentioned Titans by a field goal last week, but more importantly put up 34 points in the process. This week will be no different… but that half point is bothering me. Meanwhile Jacksonville is looking to get off the shneid as it were, so expect a tough game from David Garrard and company. After reviewing the films of last week’s game against the Cardinals, Ol Samichlaus thought he was watching the Packers what with Garrard running for his life half the time. I’m going with Houston and the points: Houston 31 Jacksonville 27

I don’t think I’ve ever seen the word “shneid” in print before. I hope to never again. I’ve been saying it ever since Jacksonville let Byron Leftwich get away and anointed Garrard their starter after a fluky low INT season (I think it was only 7 picks all season), but I have zero faith in him as a QB asked to win games. Texans 27, Jaguars 17.

NY Giants (2-0) at Tampa Bay (0-2) +7.5
The Giants continue to roll and roll well against the Bucs, a shadow of the Jon Gruden team that they were. The G-men have these kid receivers that are making everyone forget all about Plaxico Burress and the ass fuckings he’s receiving in prison as I write. I know that this is a lot of points to give to a home dog, but I’m giving them anyway: Jints 30 Bucs 13

I think the Giants are due for a bit of a letdown after ruining the Cowboys’ new stadium opener. Yes, the Bucs are pretty bad. And yes, their starting QB is the aforementioned Jaguars reject Byron Leftwich. But I think Manning is due for a stinker, and the Giants win but just barely. Giants 23, Bucs 20.

Cleveland (0-2) at Baltimore (2-0) -13.5
Ouch. Two touchdowns… tempt Ol’ Samichlaus why don’t you? Last week the Browns lost by two touchdowns to the Vikings. At home. What do you think the Ravens are going to do to them in Baltimore? Look for Eric Mangini to be waiting tables for Artie Bucco at Vesuvio’s any day now. I would love to be in Baltimore for this one… Ravens 37 Browns 10.

Remember before the season how one of the position battles to watch was Browns QB? Would it be the somewhat proven Derek Anderson or high draft pick Brady Quinn? Well, Quinn won the job.. And we’ve heard exactly nothing on that front since then. I have no clue how Quinn is playing, but it surely doesn’t seem like he has the defensive support or running game for it to matter much anyways. Ravens 23, Browns 3.

Washington (1-1) at Detroit (0-2) +6.5
The Redskins were so awful last week in defeating the Rams that Sonny Jurgenson called out Jim Zorn in a radio interview. Zorn has tried to spin it as “a win is a win” and “we did a lot of things right”, and really he’s right. But I think this is the week Detroit gets off the shneid with their first win of the season. And if they do I can’t wait for all the Jason Campbell haters to start in on him Monday morning. Fun fun fun! Detroit 24 Redskins 20

WTF, the word “shneid” twice in one week? Ack! Poor Jim Zorn. If he would have stuck around Seattle, he would likely be the offensive coordinator right now. Which probably would have prepared him slightly better for a head coaching job than simply being Quarterbacks Coach. I agree with my colleague. The Lions have shown signs of life, and they’ll get a few wins this season. They may even only be the 4th worst team in the league. Kind of crazy they’re getting that many points at home against this Skins team. I think that’s Vegas again setting the line against people thinking of last year’s 0-16 team and not this year’s reality. Lions 17, Redskins 10.

Kansas City (0-2) at Philadelphia (1-1) -9.5
In another Samichlaus bust, the Chiefs lost at home last week to the Raiders. How the fuck does that happen? This week we get to see Michael Vick finally play and I think that’s going to be fun. I heard Vick say earlier this week that he “invented the wildcat” offense. So what do they call it in Philly? The wild dog? Meanwhile Bryan Westbrook hasn’t practiced so I’m not sure how good Philly can be this week. I’ll take the Chiefs and the points: Philly 27 KC 20

After sticking around against the Ravens in week 1, the Chiefs came back to earth last week losing to the horrible Raiders in KC. No way they keep this close. I wonder if Vick and Jeff Garcia have a special bond in those QB meetings since they’ve both taken it up the…. Eagles 30, Chiefs 10.

Atlanta (2-0) at New England (1-1) -4.5
New England at home. That’s worth a field goal. But quietly Atlanta has become one of the best teams in the league. They are young and this will be a test, but I like the Falcons and the points. Tom B hasn’t shown me he’s back, and the Big A called it: the D is suspect. New England 24 Atlanta 23

Can the Pats recover now that every team simply copies the Giants’ “pressure the poop out of Brady non-stop” blueprint for success? This team should be 0-2 really. How the hell has “genius” Belichick not figured out a way to protect his star QB? I don’t care if you need to keep 7 guys in to protect him, you have GOT to keep Brady’s uniform clean. I’m taking the Falcons and the points for sure. Patriots 27, Falcons 23.

Green Bay (1-1) at St. Louis (0-2) +6.5
How bad is the Packers moral right now? Mike McCarthy had this to say earlier in the week: “We're 1-1 and we're excited about this opportunity in St. Louis. So we're going to line up and play just the way we did every day, nothing's going to change, we're not changing any plays, any practice schedules, any linemen, any safeties, OK? So we're going down to St. Louis to win a game and we're going to play our type of football. That's our approach.” With that, McCarthy waited a beat, said, "Thank you," and walked away from the podium.
The next day the Packers released safety Aaron Rouse (another VA Tech bust), signed safety Matt Giordano, declared O lineman Chad Clifton out until after the bye, moved Darren Colledge from, guard to tackle, moved center Jason Spitz to guard and brought Scott Wells off the bench to play center.
Yoiks and away.
Smart money tells me to bet on the Rams, but I’m not smart. I actually believe all the hype that the Packers are really focused this week… Packers 34 Rams 10

The Rams are REALLY bad. Like potentially 0-16 bad. Marc Bulger is a shell of his former self and has nobody to throw to. Steven Jackson seems to have lost a step. Their defense has some promising young players, but more than enough holes to exploit. If the Packers somehow lose this game, they can officially go into panic mode. Packers 27, Rams 13.

San Francisco (2-0) at Minnesota (2-0) -7.5
San Francisco showed me something last week, and I’m starting to love Mike Singletary. I read this about him earlier today: “Then there is the Mike Singletary approach. I thought he would lose his team with the in your face mentality. He sent his TE to the locker room during a game, embarrassing him He dropped his shorts in front of the team.” Jeez. If Mike McCarthy ever dropped his shorts in front of the team… Anyway, I think the Niners catch the Vikings napping. Oh, and Adrian Peterson has been limited in practice with back pain. Niners 24 Vikings 21

Despite them being a division rival, I don’t mind this Niners team that much. And I hope they beat the Vikings. I’m so sick of hearing about Adrian Peterson this and Adrian Peterson that. Blah blah blah. Frank Gore absolutely tore up Seattle last week, and if he can get through (or around) the Williams wall up front he can probably do the same thing. Niners 24, Vikings 21.

Chicago (1-1) at Seattle (1-1) +2.5
Let’s assume that Hassleback is out or really too hurt to play well. I always like Seattle at home with their coffee fed minions pushing the decibels of a Who concert. But I like the Bears, who looked really good at home against the Steelers. Seattle on the other hand looked awful against Frank Gore, who ran with more success than Al Gore. What? That’s overused? Well, uhh, Dirty Sanchez. Bears 27 Seahawks 17

I was sitting in Newark airport trying to watch the Seahawks-Niners game on my laptop using the wonderful DirecTV “SuperCast” application. Sadly, my Verizon air card had a weak signal, all the WiFi signals in the airport require registration, and it was like watching a frickin flip book of still images rather than a live video broadcast. I did manage to see the play where Hasselbeck got hurt, and immediately thought “Oh well, so much for a promising season.” After several years of success and playoffs, I think it might truly be back to the lean times for the Seahawks. They have other key injuries too – starting LBs Tatupu and Leroy Hill, CB Marcus Trufant is still on the PUP, Whosyourmomma missed some practice time this week with back spasms, and the Sean Locklear, who was playing LT with Walter Jones out, is hurt too. This is starting to look like last year. I’ve gone from excited to depressed very quickly about this season. Bears 23, Seahawks 16.

New Orleans (2-0) at Buffalo (1-1) +5.5
Boy do I like the Saints this year. They’ve finally stopped trying to make Reggie Bush into something he’s not: a professional football player. Remember kids, you read it here first. Ol’ Samichlaus never thought Reggie Bush was “all that’, though I did scratch my head over the Mario Williams thing, Anyway, here I go picking against the home dog again: Saints 30 Bills 24

I’m taking the Saints until they prove me wrong. I don’t think it happens this week. Drew Brees somehow continues to do it. He’s on pace for something ridiculous like 75 TD passes. The Bills aren’t as bad as people expected them to be going into the season (and really, they should be 2-0), but the Saints are on another level. Saints 36, Bills 20.

Pittsburgh (1-1) at Cincinnati (1-1) +4.5
The Bengals are not as good as they looked against the Packers, and the Steelers are not as pedestrian as they looked against the Bears. Granted they are a different team without Troy Polamalu, but I expect them to be quite fired up this week. The Bengals made good on all their promises against the Packers, including a “tasteful” Lambeau leap by Chad Ochocinco after a touchdown catch. Chad had the decency to find 3 Bengals fans to leap into, and the Packer fans went easy on him. I like the Steelers by 7. Steelers 17 Bengals 10

You know, this going second thing with the picks makes life easy. I can just say “I agree” and move on to the next game. (PS – Big Ben is overrated.) Stealers 20, Bengals 13.

Miami (0-2) at San Diego (1-1) -6.5
Miami held the ball for 46 minutes on Monday night and lost. That’s astounding. This week they travel to San Diego where the Chargers are coming off a tough loss to the Ravens. Much like the Steelers, I see a fired up Bolts team ready to demolish the lowly Fins. Sorry Dad, it’s an 0-3 start for your favorite team. Bolts coast: San Diego 34 Dolphins 20

That was a pretty exciting game to watch Monday night. The Colts had 3 plays the entire 3rd quarter. Three. That’s crazy. I’m flabbergasted. (On the way home the other evening, I had the Yankees-Angels game on the radio. The Yankees brought in Ian Kennedy to pitch the 8th with a one run lead. He hadn’t pitched in the majors all season. Michael Kay proceeded to say “I’m flabbergasted” 27 times in a 5 minute span, setting a new world record. I’m gunning for that record soon.) But yeah, I said it in week one and I’ll keep saying it until they show otherwise, but I don’t expect much from the Fins this year. Chargers 29, Dolphins 17.

Denver (2-0) at Oakland (1-1) -1.5
The 2-0 Broncos. Who’da thunk it. Here’s another one: The 1 – 1 Raiders? Alrighty then. Let’s think this one through. Denver beat the ever living shit out of Cleveland but that was no surprise. Meanwhile the Raiders shocked the poo-poo out of me with a victory at Arrowhead. This is a close spread so I’m going with the Broncos. I think that in the end Denver matches up well against the Raiders and is simply the better team. Too soon for a Samichlaus stinker, in fact this may be fun to watch. Broncos 20 Raiders 17

This game is actually for a share of 1st place in the AFC West? The Broncos have been playing over their heads a bit. Let’s see how Kyle Orton does in the Black Hole against a divisional rival. I suspect the answer is “not so good.” And let me remind everyone that the Broncos defense really isn’t very good. Given the expectations going into this season, it’ll be pretty amazing if Seattle’s first round pick is actually higher than the one they’re getting from Denver. I’ll be flabbergasted. Raiders 26, Broncos 20.

Indianapolis (2-0) at Arizona (1-1) -1.5
What the Colts did to the Dolphins was astounding. Wait, I said that already. Peyton Manning is really something. He keeps finding ways to win. Despite the drop off in talent with the Colts, he manages to run that offense efficiently and effectively. I still think the Cards are good for 4 wins. OK, maybe 6, but not this week: Colts 31 Cards 27

One of my less knowledgeable co-workers said to me on Tuesday morning, “Wow, I didn’t realize Peyton Manning was that good!” My actual response was, “Are you kidding me? Yeah, he’s awesome, it’s pretty much him and Brady as the top QBs in the league.” What I was thinking was, “Wow, have you ever watched football before last night? If you don’t know how good Peyton Manning is, you don’t even have the right to talk football. Go stick your head in a microwave.” Meanwhile, Kurt Warner set a record for completion percentage last week in a single game, something like 24 for 26, which is like uhhh 96% or something. Of course, what that doesn’t tell you was he wasn’t going deep at all, something that has reportedly irked Larry Fitzgerald. I’m not sold on the Cardinals. If the Niners could beat them in Arizona, so can the Colts. Colts 27, Cardinals 20.

Carolina (0-2) at Dallas (1-1) -9.5
There’s no way Dallas loses again at home, in front of what, 105,000 fans? People will start calling that building cursed. Earlier this week ESPN took a poll that asked “Will the Cowboys ever win a Super Bowl with Tony Romo as their QB” and overwhelmingly the nation voted No. Even in Texas. Now, back to this game: 9.5 is a lot of points against the Cats, so I’m taking the Cats and the points Dallas 30 Carolina 23

Actually, it will be rare for the Cowboys to top 100,000 fans again this season. Apparently a lot of that capacity is standing room, and they have these “party platforms” for people to hang out on. And there were several near riots last week as people wanted to get to the platforms with the best views, and they became overcrowded. So they did some math and considered the danger of the situation, and decided they had oversold those passes a bit. By a mere 20,000. So yeah, there will be closer to 80,000-85,000 for the rest of the season in the new stadium. I think the pressure might get to Romo and I agree that the Cowboys will not cover. Cowboys 27, Panthers 20.

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@NickBarnett

Early in the year I discovered Packers linebacker Nick Barnett was on twitter. At the time he had about 400 or so followers so I started following him. Nick Barnett tweets a lot, and his tweets provide an interesting insight into the life of a professional football player.

As of this morning Nick Barnett has 18,024 followers.

During yesterday’s game, with the Packers clearly losing momentum, Barnett made a tackle for a loss and went into his “samurai” routine. The crowd was not pleased, what with the poor performance the Packers had put out, and the poor play by the linebackers (particularly Barnett) the celebration seemed a little inappropriate.

But then something else happened: many of Barnett’s twitter followers turned against him. For those of you who do not know about / use twitter, you can tweet somebody direct. Barnett apparently had a lot of criticism waiting for him in his tweet box, and it prompted him to tweet the following to all his followers:

“Oh yea for everyone that had something to say after I celebrated for making a takle for lost KISS MY ASS. . . I was trying to get the defense fired up. . . And so what if I missed the takle before am I suppose to stay in a funk about it!?? Get a life".

Nick’s tweets are usually filled with copious misspellings and grammatical errors, which is a byproduct of that fine education he and Chad Ochocinco received at Oregon. But Nick has correctly pointed out that twitter isn’t a spelling test, so we forgive these transgressions. What struck me about all of this was it occurred to me that because of Twitter, the average fan has an unparalleled level of access to athletes. Not only can we actually reach out to Nick Barnett, we can get under his skin.

Twitter is one of many tools of the overly self important. Blogs, Facebook, all of this stuff is as my wife puts it “a big popularity contest, designed to feed the egos of the egotists”. I think that's why St. Ides and I like to harp on the fact that we only have two readers, by the way. Everything was great for Nick when he was rehabbing his ACL: lots of happy tweets, which I am sure were met with a lot of direct messages offering encouragement and support. But stink up the field on a Sunday and you open yourself up for criticism. Sorry, but that’s just how it works. And it’s fair. Today the press was killing Barnett, not for his samurai showboating, but for his poor play. But that didn’t get under Barnett’s skin. What really frosted his Wheaties was that his adoring followers called him out. Reality caught up to Nick Barnett. Even though it says “followers” on twitter, we’re not really followers: we’re fans, short for fanatics.

A few months ago Nick Barnett asked his followers why everyone was so upset about Favre playing for the Vikings. I decided to reply to him direct and this is what I said: “@NickBarnett Its fan mentality. Favre meant something to us on a deeper level so this feels like a deeper betrayal. Sounds silly, right?” I don’t know if Nick read it, understood it, or simply ignored it but I was trying to explain what it meant to be a fan. If we could turn on Favre, we could turn on anyone.

This morning Nick tweeted the following: “Hey everyone.. I done somethinking and I have decided to stay off Twitter unroll next offseason.. I am a emotional person and sometimes with this Twitter thing I forget that everything is public.. Sometimes I feel I am talking to my freinds and just talk.. So I am going to pull myself away from that.. Thanks to all the people who supported me thru my rehab and tough times and for the haters well god loves u”

That's another thing my wife likes to point out: Everything is public.

So that’s it. Big man, linebacker, thin skinned Nick Barnett won’t be tweeting any more. Not that it really matters. Goddamn @CitizenDino tweets so goddamn much I never see Nick’s posts anyway.

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Week Two Picks

Week one is in the books, here comes week two! I'll tally up how we did last week a bit later, I'm trying to get these done so they're available for our fans bright and early Friday morning!

Carolina +7.5 at Atlanta
I’m perplexed by how poorly Jake Delhomme has played. This week the team has rallied around him, and Delhomme has promised a return to his “old self”. Meanwhile Atlanta continues to impress: they sure looked good against the Dolphins, who I picked to win. I’ll go with the Falcons at home: Atlanta 31 Carolina 17

I’m not perplexed at all. The dude was never really much more than a slightly above average QB with an awesome #1 receiver, solid running game, and good D. He’s thrown 9 (yes, NINE) interceptions in his last 2 (yes, TWO) games! That’s more than some QBs throw all season. Stick a fork in him. Falcons 26, Panthers 17.

St. Louis +10.5 at Washington
That’s a lot of points for a poor team to cover, and yes I’ve stopped listening to the hype. Jason Campbell is a nice guy who looked like a deer in a gunsite last week. Sorry kids, Samichlaus won’t get suckered again. Skins win, but maybe by a TD. Washington 25 St. Louis 17

I don’t know, the Rams are pretty bad. I’d like to believe Seattle’s defense is really that good, but honestly, Bulger had nobody to throw to so they stuck 8 in the box to stop Steven Jackson. The Rams could get shut out for the second week in a row. Skins 16, Rams 3.

Houston +8.5 at Tenn
Houston gets a TD and point and a half. Or a TD with a 2 point conversion and a half. Or a, well you get it. Tennessee played well against the Super Bowl champs last week, and with a few extra days to prep should have an easy time at home against the Texans. Oh, and Houston last week? They got a dirty Sanchez for their effort. Another lost Samichlaus pick…. Tennessee 37 Houston 10

Oh man, dirty Sanchez jokes again… I totally agree here, the Titans will be ready for their home opener with some extra rest and the bitter taste of that OT defeat in Pittsburgh in their mouths. Houston was a popular “sleeper” pick before the season. I should have said it before last week’s game, but I’ll say it now – don’t buy the hype. Titans 26, Texans 10.

New Orleans +1.5 at Philly
You’re kidding, right? St. Ides reports that several casinos have bets off for this game. The line obviously came out before we knew who would be the quarterback for Philly… who the hell is the QB at Philly? Well, at least SBS readers can rejoice: Jeff Garcia is back in the league. If only I could find that sound-bite where he says he “didn’t feel crisssssp today”. New Orleans 31 Philadelphia 13

Annnnnd Samichlaus gets his picks in first and beats me to the Jeff Garcia joke. Have you seen his “wife” ? Ooofa. Go Google “Carmella Garcia” sometime. What were we talking about again? Oh yeah. Kevin Kolb (who?) is likely the starter for Philly. Is Drew Brees human? Saints 30, Philly 17.

Pats -5.5 at Jets
The Pats / Buffalo game was as good a game as I’ve seen. Who’da thunk it? Truth be told, Brady looked pedestrian for 56 minutes, and looked like Tom Brady for the last 4. I like the Jets at home. Pats come off a tough Monday nighter, while Rex Ryan fires up some interesting defense. Maybe the Pats win, but I don’t think the cover. I like the Jets: Jets 24 Patriots 21.

Brady only becomes a hero in that game because of that bonehead taking that kickoff out of the endzone. But that wasn’t the worst part really. The worst part was fighting for an extra yard. A completely and utterly meaningless yard. It’s not like he’s fighting for a first down. It’s not like he’s going to break away from 3 guys who have him totally wrapped up. GET THE FUCK DOWN!!!! The dude had his lawn vandalized after the game. And I probably shouldn’t say this, but I don’t feel bad for him. Anyways, yeah, the Pats defense doesn’t look so hot. But I suspect Belichick will still cook up something to confuse Sanchez enough into some mistakes. I’ll still take the points. Jets 27, Pats 31.

Oakland +3.5 at KC
Both these teams were surprisingly competitive in week one (two more Samichlaus losers… did I get ANY games right?) So it comes down to the Chiefs at home. I like the Chiefs Brody Croyle better than Jamarcus Russell at this stage of their careers. Add the 80,000 at Arrowhead and the Chiefs cruise: Chiefs 24 Raiders 17

I was hoping the Chiefs would knock off the Ravens. Oh well. It’s hard to pick against the Chiefs at home especially coming off a good game and facing an equally shitty team. But sometimes you have to take a chance and make those hard picks. Raiders 24, Chiefs 23.

Arizona +4.5 at Jax
Arizona is done. After one week I’m convinced. Everyone will bring their “A” game against them. They’ll wind up 4 – 12 this year. Jacksonville is a good football team, and they played Indy better than I expected. I’ll go with the Jags: Jacksonville 20 Arizona 13

I flipped to the Cards-Niners game a few times on Sunday, and every time I did, I saw Warner looking either totally dejected, limping off the field, or pulling his jersey back over his shoulder pads. I kept thinking, “Yep, he’s hurt.” But he wasn’t. It’s only a matter of time though. Seattle will continue to be the only team in recent history to lose the Super Bowl and make the playoffs the following year. (Further proving the some funny business was going on that altered the outcome of that game and the grand scheme of the Football Gods.) Jags 23, Cardinals 17.

Cinci +9.5 at GB
Packers off an emotional win Sunday night where the offensive line was awful. Aaron Rodgers nearly got killed out there by several viscous hits including one by Brian Urlacher that should have been a penalty. It took one good pass to beat the Bears. Cincinnati has a good receiving corps, and say what you want about Chad Ochocinco, he’s a good player. There’s been some twitter shit between him and Packers LB Nick Barnett. Chad’s been tweeting that he’s coming after Barnett. Cool your jets, they played together at Oregon State. Packers win but do not cover : Packers 29 Bengals 21

That was a rough rough loss for the Bengals last week with that crazy deflection to Stokley. I felt bad for them. I felt worse for myself having Laverneus Coles on my fantasy team and watching him drop 4 passes. Ugh. No way the Packers don’t cover at home. Their new defensive look is getting rave reviews. Packers 24, Bengals 10.

Minnesota -10.5 at Detroit
Watch out. Minnesota is the unstoppable force. Give Adrian Peterson the ball and get the hell out of his way, The Vikes are going to get better and better as the year goes on. Until December when their quarterback’s arm falls off. Honestly, I don’t see what Detroit can do to stop Peterson and Favre. Minnesota 37 Detroit 10

Let’s not get carried away. They were losing to the frickin Browns at halftime last week, and never really pulled away in the game. Also keep in mind that the Lions were a Dan Orlovsky bone-headed step out of the back of the end zone safety away from beating the Vikings last year. I think Matthew Stafford has a good home opener, and the Lions stick around. Vikings 23, Lions 17.

TB +4.5 at Buffalo
What an effort by Buffalo last week. They played tough and gritty on the road for 56 minutes. This week they’ll get the ball to T.O. a bit more and won’t make any mistakes. Tampa Bay is worse than I thought. Their defensive scheme has changed, and they have no means of scoring. Bucs fans are in for a long season: Buffalo 20 Tampa Bay 13

Yeah, Buffalo should have won that game. Now they go home to try and recover. And not only did Tampa Bay’s defensive scheme change, they lost their legendary coordinator (Monte Kiffin), linebackers coach (who is now the Seattle defensive coordinator), Derek Brooks, and Warren Sapp. What? Sapp retired a few years ago? Well, Ronde Barber looked a bit old on some plays last week. So yeah. They’re officially in rebuilding mode. Bills 23, Bucs 10.

Seattle -1.5 at SF
How ‘bout those Seahawks? Seattle looked quite formidable last week in one of the few games I got right, San Francisco looked better than I expected. I think Mike Singletary might be on to something. But I like Seattle to win in a “close but not that close” kind of game. Hassleback is back: Seattle 27 San Francisco 24

On one hand I’m very happy with last week. On the other, it was against the Rams… Which is sort of like when big name college teams open up against the likes of Western Michigan or Toledo.. So basically, we don’t know how for real they are. If they can win this week, they might start to get some people believing in them (including me) and they will be 2-0 in the NFC West. Which means they’ve got a nice head start on winning the division. Also, #4 overall draft pick Aaron Curry was flying all over the field last week. The dude looks for real. At one point he caught Steven Jackson from behind, tackled him by diving through him, and lifted him off the ground while slamming him into the dirt. And Steven Jackson is no weakling. Some have said Curry is basically a replacement for the traded Julian Peterson. He is. Except he’s 20 pounds heavier, noticeably faster, a hell of a lot stronger, and only a rookie. If he stays healthy, I’ll be shocked if he’s not Defensive Rookie of the Year. Niners 24, Seahawks 20.

Pitt -3.5 at Chicago
Bears fans came down to earth after Jay Cutler threw four picks against Dom Capers 3-4 D. I have news for Cutler: if you think the Packers 3-4 was a challenge, wait until you get a load of what Pittsburgh does with it. I think the Bears are always a good pick at home, but I’m going with the Steelers to beat the home dog. Steelers 23 Bears 17

Losing Urlacher for the year is a pretty big blow to the Bears. But the Steelers offensive line woes are becoming more and more obvious, as is their lack of a consistent running game. I’ll take da Bears. Bears 19, Stealers 10.

Cleveland +3.5 at Denver
Denver caught a HUGE break last week in pulling out a win over KC, but this week they’re home. I love Denver at home, even sucky Denver teams like this one. I’m going to play it safe and go with the Broncos: Denver 20 – Cleveland 15

That was such a gift, I think we get some instant karma back in the other direction. Two former Belichick pupils square off. Have you seen the new Romeo Crennel Coors Light commercials yet? Good stuff. Browns 16, Broncos 14.

Baltimore +3.5 at SD
Tough game to pick. I like Flacco, and I love Baltimore’s D. I also love Baltimore’s famous crab cakes and pit beef at “Chapps”. I’ve never been to San Diego but I imagine their local food involves avocados. San Diego is a good team, but I wonder if they are tough enough to match the intensity of the Ravens. Tell you what, let’s take the west coast home team. San Diego 24 Baltimore 20

Both these teams let pretty crappy teams stick around last week. I think the Chargers and Phillip Rivers will get going this week, though yeah, the Ravens D is still scary. Can you tell I’m getting lazy as we get towards the end of the picks? Chargers 24, Ravens 20.

Giants +2.5 at Dallas
I think Dallas is going to be “quiet good” this year: no more T.O, strictly business. But I really think the Giants are the crème of that division, and I see an upset in the making. I’m looking forward to seeing that big, ridiculous screen and the havoc it wreaks on game day. Giants 20 Dallas 15

“Quiet good?” With everybody still kissing Tony Romo’s ass, and every that goddamn low hanging jumbotron in the new stadium making headlines? Unlikely. If Dallas is even halfway decent, everybody from Peter King to Chris Berman to John Madden will be sucking their peepees. Speaking of the stupid scoreboard, I read an interesting idea somewhere.. I forget where or else I’d give them credit.. You know how the rule is that anything that hits the scoreboard is a “do over” right? Well say a team is losing big late in the game. What’s to stop the losing team from repeatedly hitting the screen (with a punt or a pass) over and over and over and over.. and over and over…? Is there anything the refs could do about this situation? Would the Cowboys eventually have to relent and forfeit the game? I so hope this happens. Anyways, I think they choke in the home opener. Giants 23, Cowboys 20.

Colts -3.5 at Miami
Maybe I’m wrong about the Fins. They sure looked pedestrian last week. But the Colts didn’t look any better. So it Peyton Manning against Chad Pennington. Jesus. Peyton and Chad. Sounds like those two guys in college that I used to kick the shit out of. I’ll take the Colts this week giving the 3.5, Colts 27 Dolphins 20

Yeah, I didn’t buy your Miami optimism last week, and I’m sure not buying it now. The Colts didn’t look much better but the Jaguars always play them tough. It’s a rule. Colts 24, Dolphins 17.

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Not quite as catchy...

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Brett the Viking

Thank God I am not 12 years old anymore. When Brett decided to play another season, only this time in the colors of a bitter rival I was sickened. But then I realized that this was the last gasps of an aging athlete and suddenly I felt pity for the man

I’m going to be 47 next week, and just writing that sends a chill down the back of my neck. I don’t feel old, I just know that I’m passing through middle age. I’m at a point in my career where most of my coworkers are younger than me, but I have to maintain my edge. I have to be smarter than them and better than them and I have to be a leader at all times. I guess that’s why I can’t say I blame Brett Favre for coming back for one more season. He’s at the end of his career. Where will I be when I am 63?

Favre as a Viking is like me working for Apple. And if I’m 60 and suddenly obsolete, and Apple offers me a job at the Apple Store I’m sure as hell going to take it. So Brett the Viking is a reality and the question is how will it go? I suspect that Brett will have some success because he truly is a gifted, talented athlete. I also suspect that his body will continue to fail him, because that’s what happens when you turn 40. I’m lucky in that regard: I rely on my brain. But if I tell one more child that Ben Franklin is on the penny…

For the first time as a fan I want to see Brett Favre fail. I want him to limp off the field after some brutal hit never to return. I’d prefer if that hit were delivered by Nick Barnett, or maybe B.J. Raji. But if Brett succeeds and has a great year there’s a part of me that will be smiling for him. Brett’s a natural born leader. As a Packer fan, I can’t root for him. But as a middle aged guy who grew up rooting like hell for him I can quietly say “Go get ‘em!
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We're Baaaaaaaack! Week One Picks!

A new season, a fresh start. Everyone is 0-0, including the two of us. When you last heard from us with picks, it was Week 6 last season, and we were both barely under .500. Let's see how many weeks we make it this season. There's a buzz going around that our readership may grow by 100% (from 2 to 4), but that may just be a rumor at this point.

It’s great to be making picks again! I have to say after last year’s disappointing seasons I wasn’t sure if Ol’ Samichlaus had the spirit to commit to a whole season. But much like Brett Favre it took a little convincing on St. Ides’s part to get me fired up and we’re back. I’m looking forward to another outstanding season of blogging and football pickin’ so without further adieu…

Tennessee at Pittsburgh -5.5
“Then there was the ever present football-player rapist, they were all in love with dying, they were doing it in Texas”. Or Pittsburgh. Or a hotel suite in Vegas. I like the Steelers in this game by a TD at least. Tennessee will play them tough but there’s no way the defending champs lose at home. Taking the Steelers and the points : Pittsburgh 27 Tennessee 20

Titans +5.5 over STEELERS
Wait, was that a Butthole Surfers lyrics quote? And here I thought your musical tastes were limited to BDF and the Eagles... Speaking of rumors, have you heard this one about Big Ben being sued by a woman claiming sexual assault? Supposedly she's a whack job, so he'll probably not have any true charges filed against him. Too bad. Yes, I still hate the Steelers. Yes, I still think Ben Roethlisberger is overrated. More importantly, I think their running game is going to struggle this year and they've slowly but surely lost some key offensive linemen. I'm still convinced the Steelers are somehow connected to the Illuminati and Dan Rooney managed to rig those last two Super Bowl wins... Karma has to boomerang back around at some point, doesn't it? Titans 23, Steelers 16.

Kansas City at Baltimore -12.5
Yoiks and away. Kansas City is finally rid of St. Ides’s target du jour Herm Edwards, but he’s been replaced by former Cardinals Offensive Coordinator (and ex Jets assistant) Todd Haley. Haley successfully employed the “Get the ball to Larry Fitzgerald and get the hell out of his way” offense last year but I suspect that KC might have issues running the scheme. Still, 12.5 is a lot of points, but if the Ravens can stop Larry Johnson the Chiefs will have no answer. Ravens 31 Chiefs 10

RAVENS -12.5 over Chiefs
You are correct, I'm going to miss Herm "We Play To Win The Game" Edwards. Hopefully that means we'll see him on more of those Coors Light commercials. Man, there's some big spreads this first week. And they seem to be based more on last year's performances than this year's expectations. I mean, think about it this way - the vast majority of gamblers probably aren't watching every pre-season game, keeping up with the latest training camp news for each team, and analyzing the new members of each team. They're making their judgments based on last season. (More on this later.) That said, the Chiefs should be almost as bad as last year. Ravens 20, Chiefs 6.

NY Jets at Houston -4.5
Rookie QB Mark “Dirty” Sanchez gets his first look at a real NFL defense… wait, they’re playing Houston? Hold that thought. Matt Schaub says he’s ready to go despite an ankle sprain and he should have fun against the Jets. I like the Texans to win: Texans 24 Jets 17

TEXANS -4.5 over Jets
The Jets gave up a bunch to land Mark Sanchez, their supposed QB savior. Sanchez came out of college early. And if you look deeper at "why" it becomes pretty clear. This was a VERY week QB draft. If he had been in the 2010 draft, he'd likely be the 4th or 5th QB taken, maybe even slip to the 3rd round. Does that mean he's going to suck? Not necessarily. But the Jets didn't exactly give him great weapons to throw to. Jerricho Cotchery and... Who? Chansi Stuckey? David Clowney? Ouch. Meanwhile, if Matt Schaub can stay healthy in Houston (that's a big "if"), he has awesome weapons in Andre Johnson and Steve Slaton. And their defense ain't half bad either. Some are picking the Texans to win the AFC South. I won't go that far, but I think they beat Dirty Sanchez starting his first NFL game as a rookie on the road. Texans 24, Jets 17. (Editor's note: Yes, St. Ides and Samichlaus both made the lame "Dirty Sanchez" joke independently. This is what it comes to when Jeff Garcia is not on an NFL roster.)

Dallas at Tampa Bay +5.5
Can Dallas win their first game on the road at Tampa? I don’t know what to make of these teams this year. Tampa’s new head coach Raheem Morris is a good defensive coordinator, but is unproven as a head coach. Dallas head coach Wade Phillips is a moron. But Dallas has a good QB who is no longer dating that Daisy Duke chick. I like Dallas to win, but I’m going to take the home dog: Dallas 27 Tampa Bay 24.

BUCCANEERS +5.5 over Cowboys
The Bucs are pretty much a mess and officially in "rebuild" mode. But I think the Cowboys are going to be a complete train wreck all season long, even with T.O and Pacman shipped out. Tony Romo is a highly overrated QB who hasn't won jack shit. And supposedly after he dumped Jessica Simpson, she went to a witch and had a curse put on him. And she proceeded to pick up a slightly lesser known QB as her next boyfriend - practice squad fodder Colt Brennan. Anyways, I'll take the points at home. Cowboys 23, Bucs 20.

Philadelphia at Carolina +1.5
This time I’m going against the home dog. Philadelphia has armed themselves with a dog killer this season, so I’m liking them in this game. Philly looked good with McNabb under center, and Carolina is a team that I always think is going to play well and I’m always wrong. Philly wins and covers: Eagles 30 Panthers 27

PANTHERS +1.5 over Eagles
Oh man, it didn't take long for the dog killer jokes to come out, but that was nicely done. Kind of a strange spread here. I'm not sure what Jake Delhomme has left in the tank, but their Carolina run game and defense should be solid. And Steve Smith is still Steve Smith. The Eagles have had an interesting offseason, especially with the whole Michael Vick soap opera. But their hopes basically still come down to Donovan McNabb and Micheal Westbrook - two guys who aren't getting any younger and haven't exactly stayed healthy lately. I'll stick with the Cats. Panthers 27, Eagles 22.

Detroit at New Orleans -13.5
Only two TDs? What am I missing here? Drew Brees is the best QB in the NFC. The Saints are going to have a field day against a team that can’t run, can’t pass and can’t play defense. Two TD’s and a field goal separate these teams and that’s after New Orleans brings in the scrubs at the end of the third Quarter. New Orleans 27 Detroit 10.

Lions +13.5 over SAINTS
Okay, this is where I was going to address the whole "based on last year" thing again. The Lions did shake up things quite a bit on both sides of the ball - #1 pick Matt Stafford will start at QB, Calvin Johnson has another year of experience under his belt (and no Roy Williams opposite him), they picked up former Seahawk Julian Peterson and former Steeler (and Wolverine.. for those playing at home, my hatred for the Steelers overrides my love for Michigan, so I don't like him) Larry Foote. The Saints offense should be just as explosive as last year. Sadly, their defense will likely be just as porous. Lions stay within 2 TDs with a garbage time score. Saints 30, Lions 17.

Minnesota at Cleveland +4.5
Cleveland sucks. And now with the Mangenius at the helm they’re going to suck even more. If Minnesota is smart they’ll hand the ball to Adrian Peterson and get out of his way. Favre has not yet developed a chemistry with his receivers so I don’t expect him to light it up. Yet. I’ll take Minnesota and the points Vikings 30 Cleveland 20

BROWNS +4.5 over Vikings
The Brett Favre era in Minnesota begins! Mangini has pretty much looked like a complete fool in his short time as a head coach in both New York and Cleveland. Even as of right now, on Wednesday night, he's not declared a starting QB for Sunday, claiming it'll make it harder for the Vikes to plan for if they have to prepare for both possible QBs. Right. Like Brady Quinn and Dereck Anderson are striking fear into their hearts. (The word on the street is that Quinn will start by the way.) The common thinking is that a legit passing game with Favre will open up even more space for consensus pre-season MVP pick Adrian Peterson. We'll see. I wouldn't be surprised to see a few picks by Favre and Brady Quinn finding Braylon Edwards deep once or twice to keep this close. Vikings 27, Browns 24.

Miami at Atlanta -4.5
I really like Miami this year. They were a surprise last year, and I just think they’re going to get better. Atlanta is a good team as well. Can we expect a sophomore slump for Matt Ryan? Me thinks that some things are unavoidable, like death and republican opposition. I’m going out on a limb and taking Miami for a early season Samichlaus shocker: Miami 17 Atlanta 13

FALCONS -4.5 over Dolphins
Michael Turner and Matt Ryan had awesome years last year. Can they repeat? Throw Tony Gonzalez out there with them, and I say, sure, why not? Meanwhile, I think Chad Pennington may fall back down a bit to reality. I think the Dolphins 11-6 record last year was a bit of a fluke. (Slight tangent: Matt Ryan's nickname from his college days is "Matty Ice" and I suspect that's less because he has "icewater in his veins" and more a play on the cheapass college brew "Natty Ice" (also known as Natural Light Ice, which went for about $12 a case back in my day). I bet 95% of football fans don't realize that. So you're quite welcome for the enlightenment.) Falcons 27, Dolphins 13.

Jacksonville at Indianapolis -7.5
The Dungyless Colts. What to make of it? Even if the new coach sucks, it will take a while for some of the old coaching to wear off. Case in point: the Ray Rhodes Packers were 4-0 in preseason and won their first 3 games before collapsing and finishing 8-8. I like Indy with ease. Colts 30 Jaguars 20

Jaguars +7.5 over COLTS
A lot of people think the Colts will suffer a pretty big dropoff this year, with almost complete turnover on the coaching staff, the loss of Marvin Harrison, and some other key departures. Peyton Manning is starting to get a bit up there in years, and may start taking a bit more of a beating behind a somewhat suspect offensive line. I don't trust the Jags either, especially David Garrard. But I'll take the points, as the Jags usually play their divisional rivals pretty close. Colts 27, Jags 26.

Denver at Cincinnati -4.5
Did anyone else watch “Hard Knocks” this season? The Bengals suck. Suck didly suck suck suck. Of course Denver sucks too. Denver doesn’t have a quarterback, do they? Kyle Freakin Orton. And as for Brandon Marshall, whose self serving attitude makes Chad Ochocinco look like a model citizen, all I can say is thank God you are not on my team. Jesus. I’m going to pick the damn Bengals. Crap. Bengals 23 Broncos 17

BENGALS -4.5 over Broncos
I don't have HBO, but I read that Hard Knocks was pretty entertaining,especially Tank Johnson. Okay, let me say this early and often. I'm going to be rooting hard against the Broncos this year, the hardest since they were AFC West rivals with the Seahawks and I wanted to knock that horse-faced smile off John Elway's face every time I saw him. Why? Simple. The Broncos traded their 2010 1st round pick to Seattle for Seattle's 2009 2nd round pick. With Cutler out of town, them not really doing much to improve their offense, and the mess with Brandon Marshall, that pick is looking like a potential top 10 right about now. I like it. Now, that aside, if Carson Palmer can stay healthy (again, a big "if"), they should be able to move the ball. They lost T.J Whosyourmomma to Seattle, but replaced him with Laverneus "Nobody Can Ever Fucking Spell My First Name Right" Coles, who will be a suitable replacement. Bengals 29, Broncos 20.

St. Louis at Seattle -8.5
Has the MASH unit left Seattle yet? If the Seahawks can stay healthy there is no reason why they can’t win their division. But staying healthy is a big if. I like Seattle in this Game. It’s been a long time since the Rams have fielded a competitive team, particularly on the road. Seattle cruises: Seahawks 27 Rams 13

SEAHAWKS -8.5 over Rams
Hasselbeck has looked awesome (and healthy) this pre-season. He's developed a nice chemistry with T.J. Houshmanzadeh pretty quickly. (Reports say better than he's had with Deion Branch, even though Branch has now been there like 3+ years.) They made four pretty big (and overlooked) moves on defense - signed former Packer big body Colin Cole to clog the running lanes, traded Julian Peterson for Corey Redding (who's underachieved his whole career, but who hasn't in Detroit?), drafted top defensive prospect Aaron Curry with the #4 pick, and re-signed former CB Ken Lucas (who's taller than any CB they have which is nice against the likes of Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin). Anyways, their big question mark will be their offensive line and running game. Walter Jones is hurt, and he's not getting any younger. Julius Jones is their starter, but they signed Edge James just 3 weeks ago as insurace. The Rams will likely be one of the worst teams in the league. Marc Bulger may miss this game with a broken pinkie, which leaves the offense in the hands of Kyle Boller. Which means they should be able to focus on Steven Jackson, who Seattle has done a surprisingly good job containing the past two seasons. The crowd is going to be rocking and the team will be looking to prove last season was an injury-riddled blip on the radar. Seahawks 27, Rams 10.

Washington at NY Giants -6.5
Washington is the local team here in Virginia so there’s a lot of Redskins hype on the radio. I’m saying that as a warning: my logic here is being influenced by the media. Now with that caveat emptor, the Skins and Giants always play close games, right? And 6.5 may seem like the right spread, but I think the Skins keep it close enough to lose in the last seconds. Skins and the points. Giants 20 Redskins 17.

Redskins +6.5 over GIANTS
When the Skins started hot last season, everyone was praising Jim Zorn. I was happy the former Seattle QB and coach was having success - and a little bit sad we had let him escape to Washington by handing over the future reins to the team to Jim Mora. Then the team started to crumble and missed the playoffs. Now, with names like Holmgren, Cowher, Gruden, and Dungy out there as potential coaches next season, Zorn is on the hot seat. They also spent a lot of their offseason pursuing a new starting QB - there were rumors about Cutler, Favre, Sanchez, and even Vick. Which has to be a shot to the ego of Jason Campbell. How does he respond? Some players thrive on that sort of challenge, and some wilt. I'm going to say Campbell is somewhere in the middle. As for the Giants, I'm not real high on them. They'll miss Plaxico. I still don't think Eli has become a top 5 QB in the league... Maybe barely top 10. It'll be close. Giants 20, Skins 17.

San Francisco at Arizona -6.5
Arizona went to the Super Bowl last year, and I still find that hard to believe. But last year I picked against the Cards several time, and I usually lost. San Francisco is still without their first round pick Michael Crabtree who is holding out for more money than he deserves. That pretty much means last year’s Niners team is going to take the field. Let’s go with the Cards and the points: Arizona 24 San Francisco 17

Niners +6.5 over CARDINALS
You know, the Cardinals are one hit away from Matt Leinart being their starting QB. Does Warner really have one more amazing season left in him? Really? Because that's what they'll need to win the NFC West again. Yes, the Niners suck, but I just think the Cardinals are in for a hugely disappointing season with the "Defending NFC Champs" target on their back. Niners 29, Cards 27.

Chicago at Green Bay -3.5
What a way to start the season: a crushing victory over the Bears. Sure, SI and Fox picked the Bears to go to the Super Bowl, but what do they know? The Packers are a much improved team. They’ve purged the defensive coaching staff and have brought in Dom Capers and his aggressive zone blitzing 3-4. Aaron Rodgers has been lights out in preseason, and RB Ryan Grant is healthy and running downhill again. Greg Jennings and Donald Driver are back and here’s the inside scoop: Packers TE Jermichael Finley and Donald Lee are going to be huge. Watch this Finley kid: he stretches the field like Tony Gonzalez. The D has looked fantastic, albeit preseason fantastic. I can’t wait to see them in action against Jay Cutler, who by the way has looked terrific. Packers and the points: Green Bay 30 Chicago 21

PACKERS -3.5 over Bears
As an impartial observer, I agree with Steve here. I think the Packers are going to be one of the best teams in the NFC. Their defense should be pretty damn good, and Rodgers has looked good and has nice weapons around him. I'm not sold on Cutler, especially without all that much to throw to. And the Bears D has to be getting a bit up there in age, no? Packers 26, Bears 19.

Buffalo at New England -10.5
The line must have dropped here. This one is a no brainer: New England at home, with their star QB back under the helm, going up against a Dick Jauron coached team. It’s going to be an interesting season for New England: can they make it back to the upper echelon of the NFL? You bet they can, and they send a huge message for week 1: New England 37 Buffalo 13

PATRIOTS -10.5 over Bills
As long as the offensive line can keep Brady's jersey clean (and knees intact), they should be good. Word is the Bills plan on blitzing the poop out of him. With Brady missing all of last year, nobody has really been able to try out the "pressure the hell out of Brady" winning formula the Giants used to win the Super Bowl. Although with the losses of Vrabel, Brusci, and Seymour, who the hell is playing D for the Pats? Ty Law? Randall Gay? As for the Bills.. The over/under on T.O. being seen blowing up on the sidelines is 2.5 quarters. Pats 30, Bills 13.

San Diego at Oakland +9.5
How fucked up is Oakland? They send their 2011 first round pick to the Patriots (!) for a guy who won’t show up. Time will tell if he makes it there by Sunday but this team is cursed. Look for the Pats to have the #1 or #2 in that draft, and look for Richard Seymour to be a marginal help for the hapless Raider run defense. San Diego should have no problem whippin’ the home dog. Bolts 35 Raiders 20

Chargers -9.5 over RAIDERS
Yeah, the Raiders are pretty fucked up. Their first round pick, that Bey-Heyward guy, is fast as hell but apparently can't catch a cold. And they cut Jeff Garcia last week. That right there will doom them to a hard season of criticsm here on SBS for taking away some of our best joke material. The Merriman situation with choking that chick is interesting. Roid rage anyone? Still, Phil Rivers looks decent and LDT has something left to prove. Chargers 28, Raiders 10.

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SBS Steves Agree to Terms, Return for a Fourth Season.

The Steves are back!

With time running out on the domain renewal, the Steves have agreed to terms and have signed on for a fourth season of blogging at Sports Blog Steves. Although the negotiations weren't nearly as colorful as the last time, the Steves have committed to maintain the blog and to update it frequently. "We sucked last year" noted Steve St. Ides, "I'm pretty busy this year, but I can make time each week from home at night to do a post or two." For Steve Samichlaus, a little support from St. Ides was all he needed. "I think that's all I needed to hear: I'm in. Last year was tough."

Samichlaus went further, discussing the loss of readership and the difficulties maintaining a blog that has no readers: "Once Brady went out Anonymous stopped participating, and Ki Ki was a lost cause last year. With out Brett playing she really didn't get into football at all. Essentially we lost 100% of our readership."

The Steves are hoping that a renewed commitment along with their usual high level of journalistic skills will bring back their loyal following and perhaps attract some new readership.

"I don't understand why an annoying yentah like Dooce has thousands upon thousands of readers daily and we only get a mild bump of like what, twenty, when I write about the fat cooze who clipped me out of fifteen large." said Samichlaus. "Maybe it's because Dooce is , well what's the word, interesting?"

Stay tuned headless readers...

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